real friends kick butt!

I have a feeling this is going to be a confessional. I have had all these thoughts running through my head since about 9pm. Some were conscious. Some were played out in last night’s dream so vividly that when I woke this morning I was almost disappointed. I say almost, because I’m certain the next scene would have held me accountable. Not sure how comfortable that would have played out. So here I am.
Yesterday I woke up (way too early!) with a huge chip on my shoulder. It was early as I took my parents to the airport so they could go to Colorado. I wanted to be the one traveling on a mini escape. The day prior was my birthday. I was already not feeling the getting older part since so much on my “life to do list” is unchecked. Next, add my own pity party (more like a one woman rave) because I felt I was forgotten on my birthday. Yep, the same one I didn’t want to celebrate.That can lead to a big ol’ boulder on my shoulder. Okay, so you get the start of my mind set. Fast forward several hours…a tweet came through from a friend whom I admire. I (and my boulder) took it personally. Tweeted back a sarcastic comment and that’s when my conscience kicked in about an hour later.
I’ve always thought a lot of this long ago friend. Even the times that our immature antics would make it appear we could be mortal enemies. He was always a true winner personified in my head. Why? Because I never saw him ever really give up. He was quick witted. Yes, sometimes at my expense. See the above mortal enemies comment. Persistence and cool could very much be used to describe him. On my brief 1995 move back “home” my best friend and I visited with him on a porch. I was mentally smiling and in awe. I couldn’t display it then because I had to keep up appearances and the timing wasn’t appropriate. Truly, I couldn’t face a quick witted quip just in case. I even wrote to my mom about it and said how I should have spoken up. Fifteen years later we’ve been able to get back in touch and it was me who threw the sarcastic dagger? Silly little girl, go back to 6th grade!
With my words and attitude haunting me, I dug down deep. Briefly! Exhausted and not willing to face what I was excavating I went to bed. While dreaming, in a tone and smirk I very much recognized, long ago friend was there to set me straight via my subconscious. Okay, I got it! While the tweet/posts may not have been aimed at me personally I took it that way for very simple reasons. I think long ago friend and I have always “clicked and clashed” personality wise. In a good way you know? Like thunder and lightening, oil and vinegar, David Addison and Maddie Hayes. We knew how to push buttons to make people think, to push them out of the comfort zone. I knew better than to throw my pity party and I assumed he was purposely pushing my buttons. Wishful thinking maybe, but either way it worked.
Parties are fun. The clean up afterward can be a drag. Especially a drag if it’s not a celebration party. Now I have some clean up to do. Long ago friend, I’m sorry if I seemed bitter yesterday. I’m sorry that I was a little jealous that you are climbing closer to your dreams. I truly think it’s exciting and well deserved! True friends encourage as well as hold each other accountable in all aspects of their lives. Whether yours was intentionally personal or not…thanks! This proves you are on the right path. I’m sorry I regressed (is that a real word?) this weekend, but am looking forward to next weekend for sure!