Mental blurbs

This is a post I’m not certain where it will lead. After pondering many viewpoints, thoughts, opinions, desires, dreams, and stances, or whatever you want to call them, I tackled my mountain of being a stay at home mom. Then, eventually I will work towards my own business. When I say mountain I don’t mean that in a disparaging way.  I mean that in an “I’m finally feeling brave enough and well equipped to handle this” way. Yes, I stayed at home when my oldest two were little and spurts before Squeakerbeaks went to school. I just wasn’t happy or felt like I could do it. That was a major part of the frustration! How can I run a multi-state district of employees and clients, yet can’t “manage” a house of 5? Well I can. I  need to approach it in a similar way. The other major factor is that I want to. I love my little men. When one of them told me they didn’t really need me, that they were able to get along without me I realized that was wrong! Not that I want a co-dependent Momma’s boy! I want them to see me as important to their lives.  I desire to be a nurturing, available when they truly needed me, fun loving memories kind of mom. What they  were getting was a stressed out, resentful, exhausted, never able to be there for them just a M.O.M. They were starting to get crappy food again and of course it was never on a schedule. The food challenge helped to kick start the motion of meaningful mothering . I feel like the past five years have been wasted and lost. I am a lover of most things natural and cozy which that atmosphere felt lost. With back to school festivities my timing is perfect. I could dwell on the past negatives. Instead, I will look forward to the possibilities.